Pyschaotic Mind Of A Dying Male

Today is a bery boring day…
I went to college and had to wear formal again…
Its so hot and crappy…in this clothes…
But I guess just went with it anyway…

I don’t know? Nothing really has been going on…
I’m still bored of college…I still hate alot of things…
How come I can’t seem to go on about things anymore?

Am I going to be so angry and crazy that one day
I’d just destroy everything? Who knows…anyway…

I dun understand, these past few weeks I’ve been have some…
Sleep deprevision haha…is that how u spell it…

I sleep around 12 or 1 am, and I get up at 4am…
Its been going on like that…its weird…and I’m getting really really tired…
So…I’m trying to sleep earlier…so that I won’t feel so tired the next day…

I also had just hurt someone I love…
But I don’t know what to do now…
Everything I say is so wrong…to her…
Maybe I shud really just give up…
Just let her go her own way…I can’t belive myself…
Am I so doubtful…I don’t know…

In the coming few days…
I don’t know…
Anyway….take care blog…

It seems like the place is getting darker and darker..
Haha…there is no such thing as a greener patch is there…?
I wish there was…then I’d jump into there…

Hello
This is Ian speaking ^__^
I’m alive and well, thanks for wondering lol…

U must been wondering why my title today says : Crash
And why the hell I said that I’m alive and well

Well, about 3 a.m the other day, which was a wednesday…
Me and my friend was on the way to his place….
Remember my friend that got his window broken? The 2006 Honda Civic?
Yeah so both of us were in the car going through Kerinchi Link
And well…well, you gotta see the pictures yourselves to believe it hahahahaha…

1. The drive & passenger side

2. Close up on the front windshield

3. Front of the Civic at that night…morning actually, 3am lol…

4. The front of the Civic in the morning

5. And since everything seems to be so violent, here’s a picture to neautralize it all ( Taken at Power Centre )

Anyway, the last thing I remember was that we were doing 140+ km/h at that turn, as we over-steered and saw the building
Infront of us, my friend counter-steered and instead of a building, we see a wall lol…
At the very second we hit, I looked at my friend, and hoped he didn’t die…
And then, bam, we hit the airbags, and everything around us went silent…
Coughing from the pain I turned to look at him, and ah-ha! The bastard is still alive…

Well, obviously stunned me and him tried to get out of this scrap metal that we used to call a Honda Civic lol…
The doors were jammed, and smoke was coming out of the dashboard…
I looked at it and thought it was an engine fire ” Argh I’m gonna die “….
For some odd reason…I didn’t say anything…I just kept quiet and see my friend breathing hard
It turned out that the airbags were emitting out the smoke, the bags that saved our lives slowly suffocated us hahaha…

As we try different ways to get out of the car ( ie. using my steel toed shoes to break the window )
We saw several cars passed by…and guess what…they stopped and look, and then they drove away…
Hahahaha…u won’t believe how pissed I was…

Anyway, after a group of people had tried to get us out, I found out that the back doors were unlockable
Bam, swing that door open and got our asses out…
And when we saw the condition of the car, hah! It was like I was in a movie

The next 2 days spent was either at the police station, Honda service center, the clinic, or at my friends place to sleep…

So thats what pretty much happened…

I can’t say I value life that much more, because I still don’t, I’m not trying to act macho
But me and my friend didn’t scream for our dear lives…
Sometimes I lie in bed and think, why didn’t we just die? What made us live?
I have no idea, and…I guess I’ll have to wait and see…

I am beginning to find it hard to name my posts lol…
Dun worry, with such a huge head I have, I know I can think of something lol
Right now I’m sitting at home listening to New Found Freedom
Whats that? Some song lo lol…

Wait…I forgot to clean the mess I left at the dining room…=.=||
( 30 minutes later )
I just realized I din hang my clothes too haha…

Anyway…I was saying…
What was I gonna say? Well today I went to the movie with Dexter, Arias and another girl
We, out of nowhere, went to the movies and saw….Doraemon…
Hahaha…u know its kinda funny
Cuz this Nobita’s dog found this gun called the ” Evolution Gun ”
And transformed himself into a smart animal, and the other animals too
Well anyway, 1000 years later into the future, they became the successor of humans
They walk on their hind legs, talk, and dress like humans
But Dogs dun have opposable thumbs do they? Thats the odd part…

Anyway, we went to the show late, and…well, I can safely say we din miss much of the movie lol
Its a cartoon anyway, not much to miss…

I think I just got turned into a nocturnal animal…
I sleep dun sleep till tmrw afternoon, then I sleep and wake up at nite…
Ahh geeezzz I hope this weekend I’ll get my damn schedule back to normal
This kind of way will kill me lol

I’m planning to get a tattoo for awhile now =.=
I just can’t think of a good tattoo to get on my leg…
Why my leg? Well cuz I guess if it turns out bad, I can always just cover it, and I dun really look at my legs
That often…though they are very important! Lol….

Thinking of getting a Fafionette, a small one, then the background is…God knows what…
I’ll just think of something one day =.=||

Hmmm…got some new art coming soon…
Would u call my drawings art or sketches or just doodle?
I call them all three….lol…Ah geez…I wish I had a flying dog…

Gots some new pictures to post up
Well not really pics…pics of drawings?…
Whatever you wanna call it boys and girls
Today’s picture post is mostly girls…wondering why?
I’m trying to learn how to draw women better lol curvacioussssss ( Is that how u spell it…? )

So here we go~~~

1. A bunch of weird monsters/items/animals that I drew when in the brink of sleeping =.=||

2. Retro Gal

3. Odd One ( Her head, I think its too big… )

4. Kitty Cat Look Gal

5. Final Peace ( Odd hair, odd eyes, I love this gal lol )

Well? I guess they are alright right?
All of them are ” copies ” of Fafi’s Fafionettes
Take them as a base to learn on
Anyway, it was hard cuz this is my first time really using the pen extensively
Found out that they do more wonders lol
I still love pencils though lol….

Well guys and gals
Just comment on it yea?
It wouldn’t hurt would it heeehee…

P.S - Please do check old comments, I reply ur comments there….^_^
Thanksssss

Peaceeeeeeee

Hello…
Hmm…its the next day already…
Ahhh tmrw start college again…
1pm - 2pm =.=||
Anyway…nothing much has been going on I woke up at 3pm today
I guess I was really burnt out from last night

So I sat in the living room and watched ” A Series of Unfortunate Events ”
Hey that girl from the movie is kinda cute huh? Too bad she looks too young
Emily Brown…yummy…lol

Then I saw ” 50 First Dates ” I think I saw that movie like a million times… =.=||
But its a nice movie no? Everyday, Adam Sandler has to make…whats her name again…
Drew Barrymore to fall in love with him EVERYDAY
Why? Because once she falls asleep, all of her short term memories are all gone
Its nice…everyday the first kiss, everyday a new day…
Then one day he asks her….

” Will you marry me…? ”
” Of course…. ”
” Great….don’t forget me tomorrow… ”

And yes, she forgot him lol…
Its sad cuz after that she decided to leave him cuz she thought that he would have a hard time
Making her fall in love with him everyday…
Just erase him from her diary
I wish I could do that, just clean everything out…heh heh…

But in the end, love prevails, and they get married…and had kids…and sailed at some Antartic place…

Wtf? But its nice heeehee…
Well…haih…how come I still thinking?
It’s not fair lol…can’t it just leave…?

I’ll be moving to New Jersey maybe
When I finish my college here….gonna stay with my old buddy Alex
Alex has been my friend for around 6 years now
He’s a great friend, and he’s now a pilot for the United States Air Force ( USAF )
He pilot a refuelling plane lol…its funny lol…
Flying at 30,000 feet over Afghanistan and risk being shot down by enemy fire
Everytime we email, I would just say ” Hey Buddy, Still Alive? ”
Just to make sure lol…

I’ll post another post later…
Cuz I dun think it’d fit into this post, so…whatever…
Hey guys, take care, stay alive
Life doesn’t go the way you want it, but it will be ok aslong as u have ppl beside you
Helping you to move on and guide u at times

Take care…

Just got back from Raw Is War
The anniversary of Hardsequence @ Ruums

XTAcid vs. Drive
Didjital vs. Bone
Ganjaguru vs. Learn

I came in on time for XTAcid and on
The volume seemed to have been turned to the max
And the bass was pumping like mad from 12 all the way to 3am
Argh my ears are still ringing after that show
I guess thats what you get for standing next to the stereo…

I don’t think would be shaken like today for awhile
Ganjaguru! Met him, hah haven’t seen that guy in ages
Exchange words, exchange numbers, and let him do his thing
Good performance dude

They threw all kinds of shit in the dance floor, confetti, ballons, t shirts, caps, stickers
And for some odd reason I never get to catch any of them lol…
Wayne!! Damn u!! How’d u get that cap?? Haih~~

The worst thing is when I went there, I was already too late to buy my package thing =.=||
So I missed out on a T-shirt and a CD, argh oh well….
I guess there would be another one next year or somethin….=.=||

Ahhh…not bad at all man not bad lol was a good night
Too bad I gotta work the next day
I think I’m gonna be so tired I might not be able to do it
Who knows…oh well….guess I’ll update this baby later

Good Morning fellow readers
This is Ian Lee speaking, signing outtttttttttttttttttttt ZzzzZzzz

Now why would I wanna move so much?
Jebus I dunno lol…anyway!!
Today is not an interesting day
My dad seemed to have gotten a backache
I guess when u turn 50, everything kinda slows down for u
I duwan to live till 50…lol…
Lemme see…today I worked from…8am to…5pm…
Just had to move some boxes from my house to the puchong factory
And then had to go to cheras to do somemore work

It kinda sucks that I just stood there all alone in a room full of sewing machines
And I was the only guy packing
But hey, my dad is kinda ill, and he can’t seem to walk properly
So I’ll do the work, save him the pain lol
I dunno…seeing him like that kinda sucks
How come my grandfather, who is like 70, can walk better than him?
And my grandpa smokes~
Oh well…

Oh yea, so I was thinking about this cat u see
Yeah some cat named Eugene Lim
Yeah we used to call him Eugene…but now we call him The Permainan
Or MeoW, or my personal favourite, Uncle Lim
Hahaha…I love that hahahaha….

So Uncle Lim used to be here in KL, that bugger would just be drinking and drinking and drinking
Something wrong with that fella, all the time he takes me out to drink, I can’t just follow his drinking ways
That guy could drink liters of beer and he would still be talk and and walking and driving straight
It reminds me of the time when we celebrated my 19th birthday…waow…now did that suck…
Puke was all over the fuckin club, and whats the great part? Its all my puke hahahaha
What a waste of Bacardi hahahaha…

Well, this cat also had a little red car, thats why he been calling me babi in my previous post
This lil red car would fetch the entire G-Unit gang to whever they wanted to go
Oh yea, did I mention that the cat ALWAYS drove? Hahahaha man did it suck for him lol…
G-Unit was consisted of 4 fellows, that…every friday, ( Well, thats how I felt )
Would go drink….lol…and we’d see a bunch of ppl puking, lying on the floor
And did I mention there was a time I saw a fairview schoolmate that had to be carried away by his friends?
It was like he was going to die….poor young boys lol…

Yeah, so Uncle Lim is pretty cool, he seems to take passion on cooking, eating…sleeping…and drinking…
He also smoked up alot, but hey, I got nothing against that, I do the same lol…
Ok Uncle Lim, I know ur reading this!! U might be laughing or angry or both hahahaha
But u know, my father just reminded me of u today hahaha…
He was talking about the wrestler Eugene, remember? The retarded one? Hahahhahaa
And I remembered once I called u that hahahaha ahhhhh geez that was funny
Man u were so mad hahahahaha….good times man good times
Now u ditch me for European pussy =.=|| ah man thats not fair
Hope ur doing well, dun eat so much chocolate and die of heart attack alright?
Hahahaha….until next time Meister!!

This line truely cracks me up
My friend Nick was talking about Spicy Chiken McDeluxe or some shit
And out of nowhere, I guess the mind was thinking, but the mouth was faster than the brain
It came out ” Spicy Chicken McGoreng ”
Love that love that hahahahahaha

And then theres this picture of him hahahaha ah man Nick really comes with surprises
Hahahahaha….anyway!! I showed him the picture and he got freaked man hahahahahha
Can’t really reveal much, so, thats all you guys get to know ” Hahhahahaha ”

Anyway, well, today I had to work and stuff
Just had to change some stuff in some shirts
Did that from 2pm to….6-7pm
Then just sat down and smoke…and smoke…and smoke
And watch The Punisher

Man you gotta love that movie
A man’s family gets killed, and he goes out to do revenge, something with like extreme prejudice
So he meets this Russian dude in the middle of the movie
And its mad funny when the Russian guy smashed his gun hahahhaa
You gotta see the look on Frank Castle’s face hahahaha

I love the way he took revenge on the guys that killed his family
Its BAD ASS…

So here I am again blogging, and this time, I feel sleepy
Its great…the sihouette of the girl in my head that has been running around in my head
Has slowly disappeared, I guess when I said ” I don’t give a FUCK ”
I really didn’t anymore…

If God never gave me feelings, I’d be much better
I won’t be thinking, I won’t be sad, and I wouldn’t laugh either
Its like I’m a robot, which isn’t that bad hahahaha
I could stab myself like 200 times and I’d think I’m fine hahahaha

Well…I’m sorry that I have to forget u
U used to really attract me, u used to really make me very happy
Even if I got to look at u once, just once, and I’d smile
And when u said we’re not a good pair, u really made me sad
And when I tried to make everything right, u make it as if its going wrong
And when I thought I did everything right, u bring me even lower
U tore it all apart as if nothing really did happen
Have u forgotten who was it that was there when u were alone working at MV
I gave up a meeting with my mother just for u, and u threw it all away and called me to go home
U threw away what I gave u for ur bday like it was nothing…I tried to give u everything
I might look rich, but this is what I could only give u…just these small pieces of my heart
And yet, now I think of it, its not even worth it anymore to u
And I asked myself ” Why did I treat u so nice? ”
Is it because after we broke up, I finally saw love in you?…I think it was
I blame myself, but I was willing to make up for it…
But the walls came down, crippling my advance, and soon, it crumbled on me, leaving me
In my own personal hell…and in my heart, though ur a nice person, since I met u…
Now u turned into my inner demon…the voice in my head….
I only think negatively of you…how u would only contact me if u needed something…
I am sorry to think like that of u…but, this is the only way to forget u…
I really want to accept ur reality, but I am still stuck there, really I am…still stuck there…before u left
The last image of u, and ur small little red car…we didn’t even speak…we just exhanged things…and u left…
I open my mouth but I can’t speak…what I really wanted to ask is just a simple question….

” Are you happy? ”

I guess I will never know…and you would never tell me…
It just makes it this |> Infinity <| much harder for me to forget u
Either way, I know u are happy
I have seen u smile…in every picture…aih…
I can go on and on…and on…but you wouldn’t listen
You wouldn’t be reading this either…
You wouldn’t even shed a tear anymore

I just wish I had more time
Good bye
And I will forget u

16 August 2006

Ah ha! I’m alive again
I just created a blog at blogger.com but I’m too lazy to update that one
So here I am again heh heh…

So whats been happening?
Hmm…I can’t sleep the past few days
It really sucks cuz now I have odd times to sleep
It sucks monkey balls alot
I’ve been thinking too much and I came to a conclusion that ” I won’t give a fuck ” anymore
I just can’t keep going thinking like that and deprive myself from my much loved sleep time heh heh
Recently I had a very weird dream, it consisted of a coffin, and me standing beside it in a suit
Is this dream telling me I’m gonna die soon or someone close to me is going to die?
I don’t know, and I wished it wasn’t really true
If it were, atleast let it be me hahahaha

I’ll be going to the ” Raw is War ” thing on saturday,
Maybe i’ll get the package thingy but who knows
Anyway, its been a sucky week, nothing has been going on
And its always been boring
I guess I’ll just have to wait until college starts

Well, this is gonna be a short one, but atleast I updated it heheh…
Anyways, ciaoz ppl

P.S - No Sleep = Sucks Monkey Balls

| 13 August 2006 |

Hmmm…so I am going to post 2 new pictures today
Actually I got more =.= but, I dun think they are nice enough
Anyway, I’ve been running out of ideas on what to draw
Can’t think much of what to draw…maybe after posting these two
I’ll come up with more ideas, and then post a whole barrage of drawings…
Here ya go~

1. Picture of a fish, better known as the Koi fish :

2. Two girls, simply :